I decided to catch up on politics a little before my vacation ended. I don’t watch TV, so I used my Internet device that’s designed to allow the cable company and websites more completely monitor my every move. I pulled in “State of the Union” with Candy Crowly (“the bear”). She was Interviewing some Republican would-be contender.

I had just seen some clips of Sarah Palin squeaking and barking like an obese prairie dog begging for chocolate by the side of the road. I’d also seen President Obama pontificating in New Jersey, flanked by the local limelight-seeking politicians, before an illegal migrant whose home had been wiped out by the flooding. The illegal was sobbing, and it seemed as if Obama, in a flash of cognition, grasped that the woman was not impressed by his pontificating. He stopped his spiel, bent over her, and put his arm around her shoulder in a choreographed display of political correctness. He said to the woman in an unconvincing attempt to be empathetic: “it’s hard, I understand.” The woman sobbed even harder, and the program cut back to the anchor.

And so, when a Republican functionary exposed bits of his underbelly to “the bear” in return for a shot at nearly an hour of TV time, I couldn’t help but feel that the whole thing was, like, so last week. Where are the aliens when we need them? Not the illegals, but the ones from outer-space. We desperately need something new in the way of leadership, but Democrats and Republicans just don’t seem to be up to it.

So, my vacation is over, and I’ll have to return to Earth. I’ll watch as the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, in the form of over a dozen Republican candidates, marches by. I’ll wish that the media didn’t have a blackout on Ron Paul’s candidacy. I’ll pray for a visitation by aliens with greater intelligence. I’ll hope that when they come, we don’t treat them like we did in District 9. I figure alien’s inhumanity to man can’t be much worse than man’s inhumanity to man, and may well be better. I’ll wish that Americans on Unemployment Insurance realized there are good paying jobs in North Dakota, and that they should get off their 90% (or whatever the percentage is) obese butts and go take those jobs, most of which pay way more than I make. Even if they’d rather watch their big screen TV’s and stay stuck where they are with their ex’s and weekend visitation. I’ll wish that President Obama would change that, but he’ll embrace and subsidize it further instead.

That’s my welcome back.